Tactics For Detecting Deceit and Gathering Information In Casual Conversations

Tactics For Detecting Deceit and Gathering Information In Casual Conversations

General Conversations

1. Ask-a-Fact
• During the conversation simply ask general, clear questions pertaining to your suspicion. This causes the person you are questioning to recall information. If he’s lying, he’ll take a while to answer because he first has to check his response mentally to be sure it makes sense. Made-up stories do not have details because they never happened!

• Ask questions that will give you an objective, not a subjective response. For instance, if you think an employee was home when he said he would be away on vacation, don’t ask him how he enjoyed the weather in Florida, but rather ask “Did you rent a car?” Once he answers yes to any question, ask for more detail. If he’s lying, he’ll try to keep the facts straight and will take his time answering further questions.

2. Add-a-False Fact
• Add a fact and ask the person to comment on it. This fact is one that you’ve made up, but one that sounds perfectly reasonable. For example, if you wanted to know if someone really indeed went on a safari to Africa, you mention that your uncle who works as a customs officer at the Nairobi airport told you that everyone going to Africa was given special instructions on how to avoid malaria. As soon as he validates your claim in an attempt to back up his assertion that he has gone to Africa, you know that his story is untrue. Otherwise he would simply say that he doesn’t know what your uncle is talking about.

Here are the criteria:
• Your statement has to be untrue
• It has to sound reasonable
• Your assertion has to be something that would directly affect the person, so he would have firsthand knowledge of this “fact.”

3. Support-a-Fact
• In this sequence you take what the person says and request proof, but in a very non-threatening manner.
For example, in the case of the person who claimed he had gone on safari, you might let him know that you would love to see pictures of the trip. If he offers up a reason why you can’t see the pictures, then this should arouse some suspicion.

4. Expand-a-Fact
• Use this clue to determine how far someone is willing to go to get what she wants. All you do is expand on a fact that she has already offered. If she just goes on without correcting you, then you know that she may be lying about what she’s said so far and/or is willing to lie to get you to see her point. For example, your secretary asks you for the rest of the day off because she’s not feeling well. You might say, “oh, of course, if you’ve got a fever and a bad headache, by all means take off.” She never claimed to have these symptoms. You merely expanded on her statement.

Special Occasions

1. Third-Party Protection
• This tactic is used if someone is reluctant to tell you something that involves another person. You have to appeal to his ego and let him forget that he’s telling tales out of school. The conversation needs to be positive. The other person must feel as if he’s doing a good thing by answering your question.

• Scenario A: Your attorney is telling you about a case that a fellow attorney screwed up on. Simply asking, “What did he do wrong?” would probably get you nowhere. However, by turning it around you create an incentive for him to tell you. Ask, “Had you handled the case, what would you have done differently?”

• Scenario B: While chatting with Brad, one of your sales people, you would like to find out why Susan’s sales figures are low. But simply asking him why she’s not doing well might prove fruitless. Ask, “What areas do you think Susan can improve in?”

2. The Power Play
• Sometimes the person reluctant to tell the truth is in a position of power. In these situations it’s usually inappropriate and futile to become argumentative. In these instances you want to bring the conversation to a personal level.

• Scenario: You’re trying to sell to a buyer who doesn’t want to buy and is not giving you a reason that you truly believe. Your objective will be to get to the real objection. “I do this for a living. My family relies on me to support them. Clearly we have a fine product and you’re a reasonable man. Would you mind telling me what I did to offend you?” Now your buyer is caught off guard and will undoubtedly follow with “Oh, you didn’t offend me. It’s just that…”

3. Hurt Feelings
• Someone is lying to you to protect your feeling – perhaps one of those little white lies. A touch of guilt makes the other person reevaluate his approach.

• Scenario: You feel that the truth is being withheld from you for your own benefit. “I know you don’t want to offend me, but you’re hurting me more by not being perfectly honest.” “If you don’t tell me, no one else will. If I can’t count on you for this, I don’t know what I would do.”

4. It’s A Matter of Opinion
The following is an excellent method for detecting deceit in a person’s opinion.

• Scenario: You’re not sure if your boss really likes your idea for a new advertising campaign, even though she says she does. “Do you like the concept for my new idea?” “Sure. It’s very original.” “Well, what would it take for you to love the idea?”

5. I Don’t Know
• This response can stall a conversation and leave you searching for answers. Sometimes it’s just easier to say, “I don’t know,” which is often why we say it in the first place. Either way, when you hear “I don’t know,” try some of the following responses:

1. “Okay, then why don’t you tell me how you’ve come to think the way you do?”
2. “I know you don’t know, but if you were to guess, what do you think it might be?”
3. “What emotion best describes what you’re thinking right now?
4. “What one word comes closest to describing what you’re thinking?”

• In all these responses, you’re taking the pressure off. You acknowledge the person’s difficulty in answering. You then seem to be asking her to provide something else, when in reality your new question is aimed at getting your initial question answered.

6. I’m Simply Embarrassed
• The person may lie to you out of embarrassment. The usual tactics don’t work here because the person probably isn’t obligated to tell you and more than likely will have nothing to gain by doing so. Therefore you need to create an incentive for telling the truth in an environment that makes him feel comfortable.

• Scenario: You think the new intern mixed up two piles of papers and shredded the documents that were supposed to be copied. “Nelson, if you’re the one who did this, it’s all right. I remember when I first started here. What I’m going to tell you is between you and me, okay? Good. I once made copies of a confidential memo instead of the lunch menu and placed a copy in each person’s mailbox.”
This instantly puts the other person at ease. It shows that you trust him, and he also feels obligated to share with you something he’s done that he feels uncomfortable with.

7. Divide and Conquer
• This is situation where there are two or more people from whom you can get the truth.

• Scenario: Several of your sorority sisters pulled a practical joke and you want to find out who is responsible. “Jennifer, who did this is not important. I don’t even care. What is important is our friendship. I want to know that I can trust you. I think I can, but I need for you to speak honestly with me. It’s not that I’m so concerned with who did it – only that you are truthful with me about it.” If you don’t get anywhere with her, go to someone else with the same speech.

8. Professional Reliance
• When dealing with professionals:
1. Always, if possible, get a second opinion. It’s easy to do and can save you a lot of heartache.
2. Make sure the person is licensed, insured, and registered to do the actual work.
3. Have your agreement drawn up in writing. Oral contracts aren’t worth it.
4. Ask for referrals or testimonials.

• If he balks at any one of these points, you might want to take your business elsewhere. Finally, the following strategy should give you an accurate insight into the person’s intentions. They key is to ask for the opposite of what you really want.

• Scenario: Let’s say that your travel agent suggests the Five-Day Cruise Getaway vacation package for you. You’re looking to really let loose; you want a trip that will be nonstop fun, but you’re not sure if she’s pushing this package for the commission or if she really believes that it’s a great deal. “The brochure looks great, Sandy. I just want to make sure that this is not one of those party boats. I’m looking for some rest and relaxation. Is this that kind of trip?” By asking your question this way, you will know the intentions of your travel agent and the answer to your question. If she answers yes, then you know that the cruise is not for you or she is lying to get your business.

9. I Don’t Know and I Don’t Care
• Few things are more frustrating than dealing with someone who just doesn’t give a damn. Why? Because you don’t have a whole lot to work with. You’ve got zero leverage. He’s got nothing at risk, so you’ve got little bargaining power. You simply have to change the equation so he’s got something at stake.

• Scenario: You take your car to the mechanic and he tells you it will be fixed by Friday. But you just know that something’s going to come up and it will be sitting in his garage all weekend. “Okay, Joe. Tomorrow’s fine. Just so you know, my wife is pregnant and she’s due any day. That’s our only car, so if you can think of any reason why it may not be ready by Friday, you’ve got to let me know now.”

10. I Just Heard
• Most people who lie usually confide in at least one other person. It’s important to let this person believe that you already know the truth and then add your emotional reaction to it. For example, some general statements that would be said to the person whom you believe knows the truth:

1. Sympathy: “I can’t believe what Sam did. I am truly very sorry. If there’s anything I can do for you or whatever, please just let me know, okay?

2. Humor: “Mary, is Joe a magnet for odd things or what? He just told me and I still can’t believe it.”

Directing The Conversation
You can steer a conversation in any direction that you choose. You can do this very efficiently with just a few wellchosen words. After he makes a statement, you can use the following key words to direct the flow of information in any way that you choose. They can be used to extract information from any conversation.

1. Meaning … Saying this word after he speaks directs his thinking and the conversation toward the larger picture, giving you a better look at his overall position. He will offer the reason for the position.

2. And … This response gives you more lateral information. You’ll be able to gather additional facts.

3. So … This response makes him get more specific, giving you the details of his position.

4. Now … This response makes him translate his position into a specific action. He will proceed to tell you exactly what he means and how it applies to you.

Getting Specific
Sometimes you’ll get an answer, but it doesn’t do you much good. Here are a couple ways of narrowing it down.

1. In Response to an Opinion or Belief
• “I don’t think the meeting went very well.” – “Compared with what?” or “How poorly did it go?”

2. In Response to a Reluctance to Commit
• “I don’t know if I could.” – “What, specifically, prevents you?” or “What would have to happen for you to be able to?” or “What would change if you did?”

Let The Truth Be Told
These simple words work better than any others do:

1. Because: We’re programmed to accept an explanation as valid if it follows this word.

2. Let’s: This word generates group atmosphere and initiates a bandwagon effect; it’s positive and creates action.

3. Try: This little word is a powerful motivator because it has a “what’s the harm” mentality. For example, “Let’s give it a try because if it doesn’t work we can always go back to the way it was.” Clearly you haven’t introduced any reason for the person to take action, yet it seems to make sense just the same.

Don’t accuse someone as by saying, “Why did you take five dollars from petty cash?” If you want to know if he took the money, simply say, “The money that we take from petty cash? Let’s try to keep it fewer than ten dollars at a time, because it works out better that way.”

Taking Control
If in a situation where you are unable to speak because the person keeps talking or interrupting, use some zingers like these. They play on two susceptible angles of human nature – ego and curiosity.

1. “You’re a smart person; let me ask you a question.”
2. “I know that you would want me to ask you this.”
3. “You’re the only person who would know the answer to this.”
4. “I hope this news doesn’t upset you.”
5. “Along those lines…” It’s easy to change conversation when you begin with the other’s last thoughts.